How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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