the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
