You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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