I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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