I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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