I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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