look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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