Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
