Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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