I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
