I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
