I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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