There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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