I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
