I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
