ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
