So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You've changed since you got that strap on
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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