Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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