hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
