well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
