I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
