My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
