I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
