My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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