This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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