Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
