what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
