you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
