i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
