You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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