Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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