i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
