If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
