Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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