I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
