Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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