She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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