Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
