She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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