I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
