Cold hands, warm shart.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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