I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
