She said her name was "party"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
