i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
