If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
