uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
