does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
