The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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