I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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