You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
