our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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