Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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