Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
