Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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