he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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