Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
