I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
