I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
