you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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