somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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