This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
