Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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